My story doesn't start off at school or when I were younger. Although I did encounter the "normal" kid teasing you get when you are in secondary school it wasn't so bad that I couldn't deal with it (I were lucky I guess that I knew how 2 handle my bullys). . . . No my bullying started when I met my ex partner at the age of 24. We'd known each other since I were little. I use to hang about with his sister. I never ever thought in a million years I would end up marrying this guy. After 6 months of being together, I found out I were pregnant to him. The thought of being a young mum terrified me. I had just started a new Dental job and I had so much still to do with my life. But as a mature 24year old I dealt with it and decided this baby could be the making of me it would give me more of a purpose in my life. January 2007 came around and I moved up to be near my mam with my partner. I registered to a local midwife and got the ball rolling to go ahead with my scan. Scan date came and we were so excited. Entering the scanner room I were filled with nerves and excitement all rolled into one. I were gonna see my baby. The lady ran the scanner over my tummy and ill never forget that silence, the horror look on her face, her turning her head around to me and saying, "I'm sorry Donna your baby is poorly, it has megacystis, I don't think the baby can survive it". To be told your baby is poorly is bad enough but to be told there's also a high chance it won't live is just killing. I can honestly say from that point right up to when I lost my baby girl Paige at 16weeks gestation of pregnancy my head went from been happy to unhappy with a click of a finger. Now most partners would support each other during an upsetting time like this in there lives. Not mine. He cried don't get me wrong when we lost Paige, but all he wanted were a baby. That's where I came into it. I won't go into detail on them parts its unnecessary but after the loss of Paige that's where the mental bulling started. When I had days I would cry, I get told "what the hell are you crying for now, get a grip" "your pathetic, your a phycho sort your head out you stupid cow" and other stuff I wouldn't dream of writing in this blog. Yeah accourding to him I were a looser and a phycho coz i were upset I had lost my baby. That went on right up to the birth of my 2nd daughter in 2008 and even after she were born it carried on. I can remember one night I had no sleep for almost 3 nights I were exhausted, mentally and physically tired and I asked him to help me with the care of our daughter. He actually shouted at me for waking him and said "I have work in the morning I need sleep you know" and left me to sit and cry with exhaustion and deal with our daughter on my own. Again! Not long after that we had a really big argument (mostly from my part as I were so exhausted I wanted his help and he kicked off) but my daughter were in her bouncer and he started and it ended up with him putting his hands around my throat. Thank the lord for good neighbours is all ill say who came and sorted him out and took my daughter for me while the police came to deal with him also. He later started drinking a lot too. Now I know people are going to think "maybe it were his way of dealing with the loss of Paige" but quite frankly if that were his way of dealing with it by hitting and verbally abusing me, it were the wrong way to go about it. And he'd been offered so many times to have help from people but he just chucked it back in everyones face. I can always remember these words he said to me one night when I got upset about Paige "we have a baby now why are you still crying get over yourself" anyways with him drinking the nastyness got worse and so did his name calling. It also came to that it were ok for him to go out but if I wanted to go anywhere world war3 kicked off. I remember a time I were at my close friend Tasha's house which is just over the road from me, and I had to lie and say I'd fallen asleep on her sofa so I could actually see her. I had endless missed calls on my phone and txts. Stupid! Yet when he went out if I did that world war3 would kick off AGAIN. I sank into a really bad depression from all this. Although you can't see it mental bullying is probably one of the worst you can encounter. It leaves deap scars inside of you scars that you sometimes can't cover up. I still to this day believe its my fault we lost Paige, that I could have controlled it, I could have saved her. And after marrying this guy (yes I were stupid thought it would heal everything and make us all better) and having another little girl to him, I finally got all my strength together and kicked him out. A thing I should have done along time ago. And I found out he had been seeing a girl from his work ... Yep nice one thanks for that .... I've come from all this as a stronger person though, I've learnt not to let people control me the way he did and learnt to be a better person by not treating people like how he treat me (not that I ever did but it makes you realise even more if you get me) I gained 2 beautiful girls from my awful relationship and a beautiful angel and as long as I have them 3 girls in my life, noone and nothing will ever make me feel so low and unhappy again. I still have my mental scars but hopefully one day in the near future ill meet somebody who can heal them for me to and give me the trust and courage again I need to be happy with them.
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Bully Blog
This is a blog about bullying, being bullied, life and more and ways to stop bullying and to get more people to see what its doing to the youth and others. Archives
April 2015
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